Heart in a Bottle is a touching story by one of my favourite children’s authors – Oliver Jeffers. It is a story that offers a relatable character and a story that is understandable.
Its opening lines tell us that “This is a story about a girl, much like any other”. The girl is curious about her world, engaged in it, has dreams, hopes and a special bond with someone that likes to sit in their favourite chair.
One day, the chair becomes empty.
The story follows the girl dealing with loss - someone the girl cared for is no longer there, the pain she feels and what she does to cope with this experience. The story is about what we can often do when we experience emotional pain. We attempt to find relief from it and try to seal it away somewhere so that it cannot be opened anymore.
“After the loss, the girl thought it best to put her heart in a safe place”.
She places it in a glass bottle and hangs it around her neck. Which, seemed to fix things… at the start.
As the story progresses, the girl starts to notice the downsides to having her heart in that bottle. Although she has protected herself from those sad experiences, she is also unable to feel any positive emotions or access her dreams and hopes.
When the girl realises this, she tries to get it the heart back out of the bottle. She tries everything she can…shaking it, tipping it upside down, smashing it, and even trying to saw the bottle open!
She then meets someone along the beach she is walking on. From the interpretations of the wonderful illustrations, you can see that this person demonstrates kindness, thoughtfulness, gentleness and friendliness towards the girl. The girl realises that these things help her to get her heart out of the bottle.
Loss is a hard thing to go through – and there is no particular age that is easier for us to accept loss or embrace the pain that causes. We all, like the little girl, want to lock our hearts away to protect ourselves in the face of tough emotional pain.
Often it is helpful to have someone walk with you and listen to your fears, worries, hopes and dreams when you experience a loss. Some prefer doing this in a gathering, but others prefer to take time on their own.
I have found that both adults and teens often benefit from writing a letter detailing how they feel, or drawing/painting to express and work though what they are feeling and thinking.
If you are helping a child through loss, it can be helpful to get them to name the feelings they are experiencing. You can do this by writing a list of feelings on paper and asking them to highlight them, or having them name them themselves. It can be great to start a conversation about it. Be as honest and open as you can about it and avoid using euphemisms like “gone to sleep” or “passed away”. Try to keep the language simple and use concrete phrases like “died” if you can. It can be helpful to have the child create a diary or memory box about their loved one.
Grief allows us to come to terms with a significant loss, and make sense of a new reality without a loved one…but it is tough.
If you would like more information on how to support a loved one with the grieving process, or if you would like support yourself, then email kate@cherrytreecounselling.com.au
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